Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
