no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
