I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
