She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
