Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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