one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
