I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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