Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
