very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
