Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
