now i know why i became what i already was.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
