He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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