ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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