I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
