i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
