Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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