Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
