hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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