just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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