nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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