I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
