I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
