I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
