he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
