your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
