I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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