The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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