no, he came in my armpit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
