I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
