So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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