trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
