you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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