Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i came on her dog
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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