At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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