I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
NoShamevember. You game?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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