I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
