just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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