Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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