I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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