you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are a genius and a whore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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