three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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