Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
