Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
