The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
