Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
