I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
