you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
