Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
