i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
