i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
