Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
