If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
