i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
