Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
