No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hippo gnu deer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
