I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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