I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
