Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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