Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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