i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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