bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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