I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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