i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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