I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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