So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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