called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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