sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
