Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
