the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
