May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
