Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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