I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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