I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
