He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize