He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
