it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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