anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
