i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
